i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
