The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
