There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
