party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dicks are not precious.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
