Pappa wants mamma naked
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
