So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
