shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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