The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
