We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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