I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
