no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
