there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
