Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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