remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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