In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
