no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
