My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
