Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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