Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
