i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
