you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
