she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
