There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
