I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
