Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
