I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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