What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
