just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
