i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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