she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
