what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
