she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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