am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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