Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently you make a good broom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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