There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
