Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
