I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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