the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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