I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
