I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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