We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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