Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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