she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
