Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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