can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
