He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
