i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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