forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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