I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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