We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
