Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
