I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
